I was driving along these narrow backcountry roads once, the ones with little drainage ditches on either side of the road. It’s dark out A deer comes bounding across the road in front of me. Knowing that deer travel in packs, I stopped.
Some asshole fucker in a lifted truck or SUV, speeding toward me way over the speed limit on these tiny backcountry roads, did not stop. Another deer ran across the road and the truck/SUV hit the deer and catapulted it right into my car, then kept speeding off into the night. My car was mostly totalled, as in it (extremely unhappily) managed to limp me home at about 3 miles an hour, screaming the entire way. [It was a back road and I was afraid of another asshole coming along and driving right into my car before a tow truck could possibly get to me. And there was no place on the side of the road where I could safely wait for a tow truck.]
All my friends were like, “Oh no, did you get the plate number of the guy?” And I’m like, “Initially they were too far away, then their headlights were blinding me - and how they missed seeing the deers with those lights is beyond me. And by the time they were close enough for me to see a plate, there was a deer in the way.” Then they’re like, “Did you call your insurance company?” And I’m like, “Why in the world would I do that? What world do you live in? My car is 16 years old, they’d give me $500 and then raise my premiums a thousand dollars a year for the next decade.”
I hope that fucker in the truck/SUV wrecks their next five cars in ditches and bogs and gets stuck in snowbanks in the middle of winter for the next decade. Fucker.
That happened to me a few years ago, just tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. One day toward the end of this horrible run, I called my best friend to remind them of something random, like “remember it’s X’s birthday this weekend” or something. Friend wasn’t home, her mom said she’d have Friend call me back. No worries.
Anyway, my friend gets home, and her mom is in the dining room having tea with a neighbor. Mom says, “Oh, hey, Aramis called, I told 'em you’d call back,” and the neighbor immediately exclaimed, “Oh my God, what’s happened to that poor person now?!?!”