So…i hate to add to it…but my husband is mildly autistic and we’ve had this exact conflict with gift giving early in our marriage.
He sees the act of gift giving very logically and practically, which is perfectly fine, but i didnt really understand this early on in our relationship. We eventually sat down, talked about how we each felt, and it clicked that we had a disconnect on the social/emotional layer of gift giving. I saw and felt that gift giving was more of an act of showing the other person they crossed your mind; a display of emotion. On the other hand, my husband saw and felt gift giving was more about making sure the item is exactly what the other person wants, including if that item is “nothing”; logical, literal, and practical.
Sit down together and talk. Use “I” statements, keep calm voices, and dont interrupt. The goal is to express how you feel, listen to how they feel, and work together to help each other understand both perspectives.
Ill be honest, i agree that therapy may be needed, here.
Im not a therapist, so take this with a grain of salt, but this is concerning to hear for me. It gives me the impression you might be closed off to your role in the conflict and the effort your spouse is putting in to understand your side (assuming there is effort to talk in any way). Talking together as a couple isnt a “Im trying”, its a “We’re trying.” “We” coming from the recognition that both sides are trying to understand the other even if resolution hasnt been found yet. Dont approach it as a “talk with them”, theyre not a dependent that needs a lecture, but rather as a “talk together” where both sides are actively heard and recognized regardless of if the other agrees. The goal is to understand the other, not necessarily to make your side heard. Once you both understand the other persons perspective, it becomes easier to find the disconnect or middle ground.
Declaring “it doesnt work” isnt trying to understand the other, its shutting things down and wont solve anything anytime soon.